A teen girl searches for closure after her brother dies by suicide in this breathtaking novel for "fans of Erika L. Sanchez's I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter and Sarah Everett's How to Live without You" Booklist, starred review. Karmen is about to start her last year of high school, but it's only been six weeks since her brother, Julian, died by suicide. How is she supposed to focus on school when huge questions loom: Why is Julian gone? How could she have missed seeing his pain Could she have helped him When a blowup at school gets Karmen sent home for a few weeks, life gets more complicated; things between her parents are tenser than ever, her best friend's acting like a stranger, and her search to understand why Julian died keeps coming up empty. New friend Pru both baffles and comforts Karmen, and there might finally be something happening with her crush, Isaiah, but does she have time for either, or are they just more distractions Will she ever understand Julian's struggle and tragedy If not, can she love and live gain.